Dear
Sally and David,
It
was good to hear your voice, Sally! We
were thankful to finally get you on the phone.
I know that your Mother’s passing is a very different experience for you
than for the others. To learn in one
moment that she is gone, that services have already been held, and that we are
all together cannot be easy for you, but we do trust God’s timing in this. I want to record for you the events of the
week as I saw them.
When
Tom and I went to Huron on Saturday the 3rd for Byron’s annual
meeting, we stopped in at the HNH. Tom
immediately noticed that his mother’s color had changed. Soon after we arrived, Nurse Tammy Lovett
came down the hall and told us, “There have been some changes in the last two
or three days. Your mother is not
eating much, and she is very unresponsive.”
(Later Nurse Pam Hopper told me that she thought for the previous week
your mother had forgotten how to swallow and was aspirating food and liquid.) We went on to the meeting (good meeting) and
to Craig’s house for the night. Next
morning, as we left for Bethel, Tom listened to his messages on the home phone,
and there was one from Tammy saying Mother’s temp had been 103 earlier, then
down to 99, then up to 102, and so on.
We went into the church, talked to Dorothy, and left for the nursing
home. We called all the other brothers
and sisters that day.
Craig
and Dorothy came after church, and the four of us spent most of the day with
your mother. We got a room at the Best
Western (where Adam had been working), and everyone rested some. On Monday Tom went to Watertown to meet
Becky’s plane. When she arrived in
Huron, we got ready to go home. Tom
worked part of the day Tuesday, and I did some essential bookwork at the
church. We did laundry, packed lots of
clothes, and set off just ahead of a major storm. (Huron already had lots of snow and wind the week before, but
Pierre had not been hard hit until then.)
Someone
stayed with your mother at all times from Tuesday on, and often there were several
of us. Adam spent a lot of time there
with his Grandma. Lela, Valla Vee, and
Goldie came by, and Pastor Tom Cartney from Bethel came daily – except for
times when he could not get to town due to blowing snow. Craig and Dorothy spent a lot of time in
town when they feared their road would blow shut. Becky’s medical expertise was valuable, both in Mother’s care,
and in the information the nursing staff would share with her. The staff were very kind to your mother and
to us. On Wednesday they moved Iola to
a different room and gave us an extra bed for napping.
Tuesday
night Tom asked Craig to take me to the motel (where we now had two rooms), but
I said “I think your mother looks bad, and I don’t want to leave Tom here
alone.” Craig looked at her and said,
“You’re right, and I’m not going to leave.”
When I returned in the wee hours she seemed to look better, but we went
to two people staying most of the time (except for Becky who seemed not to mind
being left alone). Wednesday night Tom
and I were there when your Mom’s breath became very shallow with periods of no
breathing, and we called Craig, Dorothy and Becky to return from the
motel. Before they arrived, we thought
your mother was gone – a long period of no breathing and wide, glassy eyes. Then she breathed again. After the others came, we prayed and sang
and basically told her “Good-bye”. The
nurse Marie came to check on us and told Becky later that once she knew we were
okay she stayed because she was enjoying the interaction. After a time your Mother once again
stabilized, and we went again to the shifts of napping and being with her,
though Tom hardly left her at all from Wednesday until Friday.
Thursday
evening Erin arrived on the United flight into Huron, and Tom and I went to get
him. Craig called at about 10 p.m. and
said we had better hurry. By the time
we got there she was once again breathing easier though very shallow. Craig, Dorothy and Becky went to the motel,
and I napped on the bed in the room. At
2:30 a.m. I awoke and knew Mother’s breathing was very labored. I heard the nurse telling Tom he should wake
me. At 3:00 we tried to call the motel,
but the answering service did not pick up.
I drove to the motel and brought Becky back with me. Craig came a little later. Though the nurses
suctioned your mother’s throat at 2:30 and at 3:00, her breath became very
gurgly on the exhalation, and a gasp on the inhalation. The five of us were with her when she
breathed her last breath at 5 a.m..
By
6:30 we were to the motel for a little rest until 9:00 when we started on
details! Some had already been to the
funeral home, but there were things to take over there, flowers to order, and
many phone calls to make. Tom and Erin
went to Vermillion – on very bad roads – to get Elliot. Angel also came that evening. Saturday afternoon Ruth Anne’s family
arrived, and Craig and Tony went to Watertown to meet the plane carrying Don,
JJ, Deborah, Steven and Grace. (Gracie
was a surprise for her grandparents!)
Saturday evening Joel, Bobbie, Phil, Connie and girls arrived in one
car, as well as Tony Harmon’s family with Tim, and Rachel’s family including
Josh.
Sunday
morning we had church at the University, and it was a good time of praise. Marc and Paula served a lovely dinner to the
whole bunch of us! At least a few
family members were at the funeral home from 4:00 on, and there was a prayer
service at 8 p.m. with lots of sharing.
The funeral had been moved to Bethesda during the afternoon, though
Monday dawned sunny and bright, the roads were soon open, and we could have
gotten to Bethel. You will see the
services and graveside on the videotape so I won’t go into detail on
those. It was a great time of praise
and remembering. Tom says there is no
word in the English language for glad and sad at the same time. I say maybe it’s “sappy”. I probably shed the most tears of any, but I
would never wish for your mother to be back in the HNH. We are so thankful for the “blessed
hope”.
Cards
and memorials are pouring in, and we will try to take care of everything
properly. Rachel will do the
thank-you’s for the gifts from the prayer service as well as the flowers, Becky
those that arrived at the funeral, and I will do those that arrive at the camp
– as soon as we get a list from them.
Today I must do those that have come to our house.
I
wish we could be there to give you each a hug – or lots of them.
Much
love,
Esther